Monday, March 14, 2011

The Power: Understanding that a Jock is just a Jock

With incredible support from the coaches, a lot of back-channeling by us and a fantastic special ed crew at our high school, The Weatherman is a Lacrosse player!

“Lacrosse?” you might say, “really, for an aspie kid?”

And I say, “Lacrosse Mom? For this brain-dead husk of a survivor of three ADHD teens?  Bring it on!!”

The Lacrosse topic came up, as all paradigm-shifting conversations always do, unexpectedly and in the car.
(When the Smarter Spicoli was 13 he asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity.  I asked him why and he said he felt so sorry for Dad who told him he lost his virginity when he met me…he was 39…my hormonal son was practically despondent and I nearly rolled my car trying not to laugh.)

The Weatherman TOLD me he was trying out for the Lacrosse team.  I had to fight my wicked ADD “foot-in-mouth-disease” and refrain from saying “Are you kidding?  You don’t even walk fast let alone run and we have never been to a lacrosse game, we don’t know the rules and don’t those guys bash each other with sticks?”  But, my friends will be shocked to know that I actually told him I thought it was a great idea. 

Now for the next step. Teaching The Weatherman Lacrosse.

*Found a local coach who spent weeks teaching The Weatherman the basics so that when he got out on the field for tryouts, he didn’t embarrass himself.

*Contact the HS coach and start the long “conversation.”

*Buy a DVD about lacrosse.

*Get the outfit. So…here is how that went down.

The Weatherman and I went to the local sport store and I found a sympathetic looking sales kid to rescue me.  If The Weatherman was going to try out, at the very least, he would have the coolest accoutrements to complete the look. 

I accompanied the two as we piled the cart with pads, helmet, cool looking stick, gnarly cleats, gloves and oh, yeah, one thing the Weatherman didn’t have was a Jock Strap.

I made eye contact with the sales kid and left those “details” for him to discuss with The Weatherman…but I stayed close just in case The Weatherman reacted to the sales kid's size selection.

I give the sales kid a lot of credit.  He found the right stuff I guess and off to the cash register we went. 

We were ready….uh…sort of.

On the first day of practice, The Weatherman got dressed at home and I really had no idea if all the pads were on properly but he looked okay to me. 

Until I saw the way he was walking.  He was walking like a cowboy with bowlegs.  So I said to him “Hey, why are you walking so funny?”

He told me that I would walk that way too if I had to wear “a F#$%^ cup!”

So, of course I sympathized with him and said I had no idea what that would be like but lots of men play sports and don’t walk that way.

Swear this is true.  The Weatherman said that he didn’t believe that because “How could they do that with their balls hanging out of the cup.”

Breathe deeply.

My delivery of the next “piece of advice” was cautious as I told him I didn’t think he could possibly have it on right.  I gently said that I think the cup is designed to hold your stuff.  But again, I digressed with “I wouldn’t know that for sure, of course.”

That is when the light went off in The Weatherman’s eyes.

“Oh, maybe I have it on upside down.”

Ouch! “Really?”

So, the poor Weatherman had indeed put the smaller part on the top, which left his manjigglies squished out on the sides.

I drew the line at helping him “adjust” this issue but I did work the “visual learning” aspect of the teachable moment that would have given legendary mime Marcel Marceau a run for his money.

And, really, this begs the question “Why doesn’t any of this stuff happen on my husband’s watch?”

By the way, The Weatherman is having a great time on the lacrosse team and with all that “support” (haha) he is walking around campus like “THE MAN!”

Scepter’s up!!!



  1. Can't wait to see the Weatherman play - - he'll have a ton of fun!!

  2. So it's not a nose / mouth guard? No wonder I got laughed off the wrestling team.

  3. I LOVE this post, Your Highness! Hilarious!

  4. So cute. Your writing style so captures the moments.

  5. Go WEATHERMAN! Goes to show Queeny CAN handle it all- not sure dad would have been as discreat-love it!