Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Power: Boycott cooking for the family.

Oh my god!!  If I have to tailor make another dinner for this family I am going to scream.  I am not freaking Julia Child (though my ultra cool sister-in-law worked for her!)  I cook meals that require a lot of time and reflect great thought into each and every crazy taste bud in this family.

 The Weatherman hates every vegetable on the planet, won't eat red meat, won't eat food that the Rabbi says "no" to and he basically can't handle sitting at the dinner table anyway, so I am used to just figuring his daily needs as they come up and besides, if he gets really hungry, he would step over my dead body and prepare whatever he wants...and leave a hurricane of cooking debris for me to clean up.

Rainbow Sparkle-Dazzle hates spicy food and would never eat something that has a mother.  Dang-it!!  I mean, I guess fish have mothers but if you consider the fact that they spray out their eggs and barely stick around for the grand entrance of the males' sperm blowing spectacle (what else is new) that a salient humanitarian point for missing out on my "Blackened Salmon?"

The Smarter Spicoli eats anything I make!  He LOVES my cooking and it took me a while to realize that some of his overly zealous comments on my meals might have been a result of "the munchies."  He is now a sophomore at a university that only takes very smart kids so I feel confident that his brain isn't completely addled and perhaps, his love of my meals is legitimate.

The he is the pickiest eater, if that is possible.  Many a night he arrives home for dinner...full! His office staff makes sure that his early morning coffee, his lunch and his afternoon "pick-me-up" address his every hunger pang.  What can I say!!  I pre-prep the dinner menu to accommodate his fish allergy and try to give him a very fat free meal choice.  But, aside from providing a Roman style "Vomitorium"  for him to arrive at my dinner table "prepared"...he is just as difficult as the kids.

So after driving around all afternoon and managing to figure out how to get a warm home-cooked meal on the table most nights like a good mother, what Super Power do I conjure up when faced with these inhabitants of my home?  Flat out Boycotting.  Face it.  Why kill myself creating magic in the kitchen when the effort goes unnoticed or worse yet, unappreciated?

I seriously did that for 2 weeks last year and the resulting chaos my boycotting caused was my own.  The family was thrilled to eat everything unhealthy, out of a box and microwaved.  I shuddered over my private organic salads and grilled salmon while I watched my loved ones clog their arteries and poison their their bodies!!  But I held firm figuring that by two weeks of this kind of eating they would lug their sludge-blood fueled lethargic bodies to the dinner table and beg me to resume cooking!  They did but they are still a picky lot!!

A far more famous queen than I uttered the words that seem so relevant to me today  "Let them eat cake!"  And you know what, my SUPERvision says, WTF?!

Scepters UP!!


1 comment:

  1. Your delicious home cooked meals got me through college! I'll come over and enjoy them with you anytime. :)